FMA Humor
by Ayla-tan
Summary: Just a series of random stories. Humor  mostly . Hope you enjoy!  I'll update whenever I have a new story ready, but since I don't know when, I'll set the setting on 'complete' after each chap.        Disclaimer: I don't own FMA!


This is just something that crossed my mind and I thought I might as well post it^^

I came up with this idea after thinking about Roy making a meal for Ed- you should read "'NotSoNew Beginnings' chapter 23- Breakfast" by Kiaros if you want to understand why :)

I'll update this whenever another crazy (funny) idea crosses my mind- it won't always be a pairing, neither the same pairings^^

Anime: obvious...

Pairing: RoyEd

Note: Thoughts are between ' ' ; and speech is between " "

Disclaimer: No, I am not Arakawa-Sensei! Hence I don't own FMA.

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Roy made dinner

Roy looked at his work, satisfied. In front of him was a table decked with food.

He had woken up to the soft sound of Ed's breathing at his side. After a confused look at the clock- usually, when he woke up Ed was already up and about- which confirmed that he really woke up at his usual time, he had tried to find out just why Ed was still asleep AND not in his own bed. He had found the answer quite fast: a book. It took him some time to remember last nights events.

[flashback]

He woke, stretching his stiff muscles. THUD. The book he'd been "reading" tumbled onto the floor. "Roy?" He heard Ed's voice asking. "Oh fuck, no wonder you fell asleep, it's past midnight!" After dinner, Ed and Roy had ventured into the living room, Ed immediatly engrossing in some riddle he'd gotten from Al- he didn't want help ("It'd be cheating. It's a game Al and I play to train ourselves. One of us invents a riddle and the other has to solve it within a set time. Without the help of others."), so Roy had grabbed a book in an attempt to not stare at Ed the whole time and puzzling about what the blonde was thinking at the moment. It had been hard at first, but after Ed had demanded he'd "stop staring and read your damn book already!" he had forced himself to read. He hadn't come very far. The book he had grabbed was an alchemy book- flame alchemy, to be exact- and he'd known it in and out. So he'd dozed off.

He stood with a yawn and as he wanted to retrieve the book, Ed's hand reached out. The boy looked at it with interest and Roy, guessing what Ed wanted to ask said: "Sure." And after Ed shot him a confused look he explained: "The book. Feel free to read it." They then went upstairs, to go to bed. To Roy's surprise, Ed simply trudged along and followed him into his room, appearently much to engrossed in studying the book to notice where he was going. Roy reluctantly decided it'd be better for both their sakes to sleep in separate rooms, because if they didn't, he couldn't guarantee he wouldn't try something, so he nugded Ed aside to climb into bed, saying: "Ed, what are you doing in my room?" Ed looked up from his book, surveyed the room, shrugged and then mumbled dismissively: "I'm going to read until you're asleep and then I'll go to my room". Roy smirked: "You certain you won't do anything to me while I'm out cold?" He got no answer. Shrugging, he nuzzled into the sheets (admitedly, it had taken some effort to not nuzzle into Ed- only his promise to take it slow had stopped him- because he wouldn't have been able to restrain himself then) and closed his eyes.

[end flashback]

He'd considered to just nuzzle into Ed or watch him sleep (or both)- he looked sooo cute, his golden locks spread around him and fingers curled but then he'd remembered something he had planned to do for some time, but what Ed would have prevented him from doing if he were awake, so he silently untangled himself from his bedsheets and, grabbing his dressing gown, slipped out the room. He'd gone into the bathroom downstairs, splashed some water in his face to wake himself up and then trudged into the kitchen.

-x-

*Growl* Startled, he woke up. 'Stupid stomach' he thought and sat up. Blinking the sleep out of his eyes, he yawned and reached for his dresser...and grabbed air. His eyes widened in shock. This was not his room. He looked around and, with another start, realized that he was in Roy's room. Strangely, Roy himself was not there. 'Huh?..Must've fallen asleep while reading that book...' Then his eyes fell onto the clock and he quickly stiffled a surprised yelp. It was nearing 1 pm! 'No wonder Roy's not here..no wait, that's strange... he wouldn't have missed a chance to mess with me, wouldn't he?' He was rudely interrupted from his musings by another demanding growl from his belly. "Yeah, yeah, I'm up, I'm up." He muttered. He briefly straightned out his hair and then walked out of the room and headed off to the kitchen, wondering briefly why Roy didn't ask for breakfast or lunch yet.

-x-

Ed stared at the scenery in front of him. Roy was seated at the table, wearing his dressing gown with hair falling into his face as usual, newspaper in hand but quite obviously NOT reading, instead he seemed to be ..dozing? and the table itself was nicely decorated with very delicious smelling food, one plate where he usually sat and one in front of Roy himself. It looked like it had just been cooked, for the sausages where still steaming a bit, as well as the mashed potatoes. To the left of each plate was a bowl, filled with salad. His stomach growled. Roy, jerking out of his trance, levelled his gaze onto him and, after staring at him for a while, motioned with his head towards the table, saying: "Why don't you sit and eat? You look starved. Thought I'd already set the table."

Ed stared at Roy, not moving an inch. When he thought his voice was steady enough to NOT give up on him, he asked, completely mystified "...erm...who made this?" 'I havn't heard anyone at the door'.

Roy shot him a questioning look. "...Have you seen someone else beside me this morning?"

In response, Ed gaped at him. "...You...? But...it's...why...it looks...like a meal..." Even to Ed, the words sounded laughable. Of course it was a meal.  
Roy's eyebrows knitted together. "Genius. It IS a meal." He said, crossing his arms and huffing indignantly. "And now would you please sit down? It's getting cold".

Ed obidiently walked to the table and sat. However, he made no move to start eating. Roy, having noticed this, laid down his fork and knife, looking expectedly at Ed, who seemed to want to say something, but having to trouble to find the right words. He was opening and closing his mouth, making Roy want to laugh. He had wondered how Ed would look at seeing a meal he had cooked and it was just priceless.

Noticing the ensuing silence and Roy's carefully held in check smirk, Ed managed with some effort to open his mouth: "But...I...how?"

Roy looked at him as if he were questioning his sanity. "You are so NOT asking me how to make sausage, are you? Did you suffer from amnesia or something?" He plastered a look of concern onto his face, which did not quite hide his smirk.

Ed mumbled something incoherent in response. Roy arched an eyebrow. "Excuse me?" he inquired.

Ed looked away, somewhat emberrassed. "No offence, but...is it edible?"

Roy pouted 'so that is where he's going'. "Of course it is...silly boy" He said smugly, as if talking to a little child and looking offended. It earned him a glare from Ed.

The boy seemed to still be unconvinced. "Really? I don't want to die, you know?" He inquired, a devilish smirk stealing onto his features.  
Roy pretended to be hurt. "I'm hurt, Eddie". He smirked.

"...Sorry..wait WHAT WAS THAT?" Ed looked like he would explode any moment now.  
"What, E~d?" Roy asked in a singsang voice, smiling innocently.

Ed ground his teeth to keep from laughing at Roy's ridiculous tone. 'I definitely WON'T let him win this now' "Nothing, flamey..." He answered dismessivily, grinning devilishly.  
He was rewarded with the cute but rare sight of Roy being lost for words. "Fla-mey?" The man repeated slowly after some time of staring. Ed grinned in victory. 'Gotcha'. He thought and watched as Roy tried but failed to form an answer. He'd memorize this moment forever. After a while, he coughed, successfully getting Roy's attention.

"So now spill the beans...who made this?" Roy pressed his face into his hands in mock frustration "I already told you it was me! So shutup and eat already!"  
Ed looked down at the plate. The sight alone made his mouth water. He looked up at Roy again. 'The food seems really delicious, but...' "...Really?" He inquired once more. Roy groaned, letting his head fall with a 'thud' onto the desk. "Just eat..."

Still, Ed did not move, though he now had a grin across his face, which told Roy that he was only pretending to not want to eat. Suddenly, Roy got an idea. He chuckled in glee and saw the look of impending doom on Ed's face. 'Well, he's right' He thought, still laughing inside. He laid his head onto the table and looked up at Ed with a pleading look, eyes wide. "Ed...please?" He purred. He could see a blush heating the boy's cheek and knew he had won.

'Dammit...he's so damn cute!' Ed thought helplessly as he stared at Roy, trying his hardest not to run over and start cuddling the man. 'Sometime I'll figure out that look, just you wait and see!' "Okay, okay, I'm eating! Just stop giving me that look!" He said, fighting against the blush he knew adorned his cheeks.  
Roy, relishing in the feeling and in the sight before him- oh how he loved to make Ed blush- replied with as much innocence as he could muster. "Why?" And he sat up, pulling his own plate and cutlery towards him. He received a glare. Then Ed started to eat. Answering Roy's silent inquiry, he said "it's delicious!" between two mouthfulls of salad and mashed potatoes. Roy continued to watch him eat, then, after some time, he let out a contented sigh, completely unnoticed by Ed and turned to his own plate. It took him some time to realize what he was staring at. Or rather, what he was NOT staring at.

He looked towards Ed, who was just close to finishing his salad. "Erm...Ed? Where's my food?"  
"Hmmmm?" The adressed munched, as he gulped down his very last bite. Then, first looking at his, then at Roy's finished plate, Ed suddenly seemed very interested in some spot on the wall to his left.

Roy gaped at him. 'I knew he'd be hungry, but... excluding my portion, he ate twice as much as any normal man would eat'.  
"You...ate it all?" Sighing inwardly, he reprimanded himself, albeit amused. He should have known.

Ed flushed "...I was hungry" he defended, "...thanks by the way" he added, almost as an afterthought. Roy smiled a genuie smile, one, Ed knew, that was only reserved for him. "So you liked it?" He looked rather pleased with himself.  
"Yeah..."  
He nearly missed Roy's next words. "I thought I made enough, but I shouldn't underestimate the stomach of pipsqueaks..."  
And finally, he exploded "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE CAN'T BE SEEN WITHOUT A MICROSCOPE!"

Ed raged on, while Roy watched his usual tirade, smiling fondly. 'I couldn't resist. You're just so cute when you're angry.'

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Hope you enjoyed :D Please comment^^


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